Brazil: live in or leave out?

Let's get straight to the point: what are the (fifteen) advantages of living IN Brazil?

1. Hurricane, earthquake, tsunami, volcano and blizzards are seen only in the movies;

2. Any simple party lasts all night long;

3. If you go to a pub/bar, your friends will never ask for a break before 11 pm;

4. Shops, restaurants, pharmacies, street stalls, (almost) everything is open 24h;

5. There are kilo food restaurants;

6. A barbecue is a true barbecue;

7. Feijoada, tutu, moqueca, acarajé, tropeiro beans, suckling pig, tapioca, pastel, snacks and sweets from Brazilian parties, among other typical foods, can be found on every corner;

8. Sugarcane juice, guarana, matte, açaí, soursop, cupuaçu, among other exclusive fruits, only available in Brazil;

9. Interest-free installments;

10. Even the street vendor accepts credit and debit cards!

11. There is PIX everywhere (even for homeless people);

12. Cars with Flex engine and CNG;

13. Flamengo+Maracanã=Happiness;

14. Women don’t wear coffee filters as bikini;

15. And most importantly: buttocks! ahhh they exist!!! ☺

Now what are the advantages of living OUTSIDE Brazil?

1. The time has the same 60 minutes for everyone;

2. Your rights really end up where others begin;

3. Respect is neither sold nor bought;

4. Education comes from home. Not from another planet;

5. Common sense doesn't just exist in the dictionary, it's part of real life;

6. People know how to communicate in their own language;

7. Sincerity is standard in any real world conversation!

8. Lottery pens don’t need to be chained;

9. Your shadow doesn’t need to be kept in a safe for fear of robbery;

10. Feces don't swim with you in lakes, rivers and beaches;

11. The trash can is no longer a mere decoration object to be used in its original function;

12. Nobody keeps dirty paper with poop next to the toilet, it goes away with the toilet!

13. A stray bullet is just a candy that someone forgot where they left it;

14. The risk of falling viaducts, bridges, cycle paths and dams is never greater than that of Vasco in the Brazilian championship;

15. Beer and corn juice are different drinks;

16. By the way, “Pure Malt Beer” is just called... beer!

17. And they are never served in jelly cups;

18. Queues are not often and, when they exist, they are respected;

19. Public transport does not have a built-in sauna;

20. Catch the bus at the stop? Yes, (believe me) it is possible! And we don't need to threaten the driver's mother to make him stop at the right place;

21. The bus ticket is not more expensive than your drink;

22. The cell phone speakerphone is not used as a bomb siren by funk listeners on the beach or on the bus;

23. In fact, funk is no longer a nightmare in your life!

24. An international call does not cost the same as a trip to the destination country;

25. Opening a bank account does not take longer than the Halley Comet orbit;

26. Shopping at the supermarket is possible without having to sell your organs to pay the bill;

27. Ben&Jerrys, Haagen-Dazs, Milka, Toblerone and Nutella, among others, are commonplace things;

28. A meal away from home does not cost the value of Messi's boot;

29. Shoes don't cost half the minimum wage (or sometimes all of it);

30. A cell phone is not worth more than your laptop;

31. A video game isn't worth more than your TV;

32. A TV is not worth more than a motorcycle;

33. A one-bedroom house is worth no more than a European castle;

34. The alcohol in your car is not more expensive than the alcohol in the pub;

35. Tickets to a regular show do not cost the price of a Caribbean cruise;

36. You don't have to prostitute yourself to pay interest on a bank loan;

37. Emergency care in hospitals does not usually take as long as the orbit of Pluto;

38. Patients are not cattle and hospitals are not butchers;

39. Evangelicals don't think God is deaf;

40. School is not a miniature version of the drug house;

41. Teacher and beggar are two different categories;

42. Penitentiary and summer camp are different places;

43. Police and criminals are adversaries;

44. Minors do not have carte blanche to kill;

45. Militia is just a group of militants from religious entities;

46. ​​Short or topless clothing is not a green light for rape;

47. Children use traffic lights to cross the street. Not as housing;

48. You don't have to be an incendiary balloonist to honor Saint George;

49. Yemanjá does not force you to pollute the sea in the new year;

50. Trespassing is punished, never applauded;

51. "Minimum consumption", what is it?

52. A cat (Electricity theft) is just an animal. And it is not born on a pole;

53. Finding a mobile data connection is no more rare than finding women's G-spots;

54. Your internet connection doesn't fall as much as Neymar;

55. Call centers do not compete for the “Rubens Barrichello sluggishness Trophy”;

56. Postal delivery time is not the same as a pregnancy;

57. And it is not necessary to pay a “ransom” to receive international orders;

58. The only chance to hear about dengue fever is on a rerun of Xuxa Show (as it is one of the characters);

59. Engineers don't work as Uber Drivers and lawyers don't deliver food;

60. Seats reserved for the physically handicapped are not used by those who strive to be mentally handicapped;

61. The meaning of the word "infrastructure" begins to make sense;

62. The streets are public and have no owner;

63. Flanelinha is just a small flannel, not the street spot owner;

64. The yellow light does not have premature ejaculation;

65. Pedestrians use the sidewalk and cars use the street;

66. The maximum speed of the roads allows you to drive faster than a bicycle;

67. The traffic dept. does not hide irregular volcanoes under the asphalt with strange names for speed bumps;

68. A good car does not have to be an antonym for a popular car;

69. Traffic rules also apply in front of schools;

70. The circus does not send trainees to the traffic lights;

71. No street wants to beat the moon's crater record;

72. Driving in the left lane does not cause mental retardation in people using it;

73. No one loses their hand if they switch on the car's turn light;

74. Rush hour slot machine blitz? not even if bin Laden comes back from hell with Lucifer in the passenger seat!!!

75. The proportion of idiots per square meter closing the intersection of streets does not reach double digits;

76. Toll and extortion have different meanings;

77. Traffic deaths are lower than in the wars in Syria and Iraq;

78. PT is just an acronym to represent Portugal;

79. Laws and regulations are less complex than quantum physics equations;

80. That bureaucracy and the game of interests bigger than Game of Thrones to open a simple company is non-existent;

81. Judge is not God, court is not purgatory and citizen is not devil;

82. And last but not least: it is possible to write all this without having the Supreme Court trying to censor it...